10 THINGS TO HELP

Featured Article: Summer 2010 issue of Lupus Now

10 Things You Can Control in a Conflict
By Vivian Scott

Dealing with conflict takes energy, and when you’re living with lupus, energy can be in short supply. If you’ve tried your best to resolve a problem, but it still remains, consider using these 10 ways to regain control.

1. Your Plan - Visualizing the future helps you focus beyond temporary problems.
   
2. Your Perspective - Stop and reassess your point of view and find a learning opportunity in the situation.
   
3. Your Responses - Look for ways to respond that don’t escalate anxiety.
   
4. Your Investment - Spend less time thinking about it, talking about it, and engaging in it.
   
5. Your Role - It takes two to tango, and if you stop dancing, the conflict has no choice but to diminish.
   
6. Your Expectations - Changing expectations doesn’t mean lowering them. Stop holding others to standards they don’t know they’re being measured against, and get a new yardstick!
   
7. Your Energy - Direct your energy elsewhere: toward family, classes at the gym, continuing education, or friends.
   
8. Your Own Story - Give accounts without elevating or victimizing anyone. Say, “It’s a difficult time right now, but I am learning a valuable lesson,” rather than, “Once again, I am the victim.”
   
9. Your Method for Processing Emotions - Talk with a trusted source, keep a journal, get some exercise, or write letters you’ll never send.
   
10. Your Character - Show your best side and not an unchecked series of poor reactions.

Vivian Scott is the author of Conflict Resolution at Work for Dummies. Both she and her daughter, Vanessa, have lupus and were featured in the Summer 2009 issue of Lupus Now in the article “What’s in Your Family Tree?”